Caring & valuing aren’t the same, & the differences matter
God spread unique aspects of his nature and ways into all his kids so all would have a unique and valuable offering as part of the whole.
I have found myself looking at the differences between caring for someone and valuing someone. Both words get used pretty often, and certainly interchangeably, but I understand the intent to be different things. Here’s what I mean:
Caring for someone can be defined as a general concern or interest in someone’s wellbeing.
Valuing someone, on the other hand, can be defined as considering someone to be important or beneficial.
These are interesting differences, that can maybe be better considered with a handful of contrasts between the two:
Caring | Valuing |
Wants people to be well | Wants people to be a part |
Wants to make good | Wants to make beautiful |
Wants to protect | Wants to dream and explore |
Brings peace | Brings purpose |
Brings a sense of being seen | Brings a sense of being known |
I could go on, but you get the idea. Caring for people and valuing people are both important expressions in life. But, there’s a difference, and the value thing is genuinely far less common.
If we do not make room for a person to be themselves with us—to bring their contribution, their ingredients to the meal, their tinder to the fire, we actually don’t express value for that person. We simply express care for them.
Without truly being valued, it is impossible to be a thriving part of any community. We can be present, but not a part because being a part of something means that you’ve been able to contribute to the whole.
A whole is the sum of its parts.
Involving is a form of investing
Is it possible to care for someone without valuing them?
Yes. While this would most often exist in arms-length relationships; it also sadly exists inside of many friendships, families and “families”.
Is it possible to value someone without caring for them?
Yes, but this likely indicates a problem. Someone willing to receive the benefit of another without caring for them would likely be using people to one’s own ends. This would be a non-relationship, or worse, an abusive or co-dependent relationship.
My point isn’t to put a thumb into wounds, or just to expose a failing reality. It is to invite all of us, in whatever we’re doing, to find a way to truly care and VALUE those we are with.
Let’s ask good questions. Let’s hear what others think. Let’s invite others to contribute, to put their part into the whole without defining what that should look like.
Let’s listen better. Let’s consider. Let’s explore, dream and involve.
It’s not just an investment made into the individual; it’s an investment made into the body as a whole when each person feels valued enough to more authentically be themselves. And when we are free to be ourselves then who God made us to be is more freely on display, revealing his good heart and ways.
I believe that’s the way God made his family—he spread out unique aspects of his nature and his ways into all his kids so that everyone would have a unique and important offering as part of the whole.