I do and don’t want to write these things

I have gone back and forth, back and forth on whether or not I really want to share my writings, share what I’m processing, share what’s on my heart.

Some days I see the faces of men and women leading in legacy church models that I care for and value. And when I think about them I don’t want to say what I want to say. I don’t want it to hurt and I don’t want it to feel like an attack. I’m not against them. I’m for them.

I believe they have good hearts and good intentions.

But I am also intensely against the model they embrace. Intensely against the hierarchy and against the way I see it crippling the body, halting maturity, inflicting trauma and preventing healing and the release of God’s nature.

And that’s the rub. I’m passionate about it, and as much as I try to find the language that provides gentle consideration, sometimes the simplicity of a strong contrast can feel like a jab.

And it’s certainly not beyond me to be too sharp with my point. I am, as we all are, forever in-process (not making excuses… I try).

And that’s the thing I think we’ve too deeply forgotten: we don’t have it figured out. None of us have perfect doctrine, or full understanding. And worse, we’re just not curious.

Instead of asking why something is the way it is and and more specifically, why things truthfully aren’t working so well, we simply continue on and disregard the consequences. We assume we are—despite acknowledging that we don’t know it all—more right than the rest.

That’s how denominations came to be and why they continue to manifest. It’s why so many modern expressions of church continue to be supported despite the lack of New Testament and early church historical-contextual evidence.

I’m actually not claiming to have better doctrine or grander vision. While I’ve led in ministries in the past, I’m not looking for that now. I’m just raising questions I think are overdue and I believe that, if genuinely considered, would move the American church towards something healthier.

But it doesn’t feel good to be told that your thing isn’t as healthy as you think it is or as you portray it as. That hurts. It hurt me when I had to face it for myself.

I’m not against God’s kids, but some will think I am. And that is the tension of writing what I write.