Why we need to return to cross-generational community
Could it be that the segregation of generations turned into isolation that keeps us from maturity?
One of the ways that modern western church structures are damaging the process of maturing and forming spiritual family is through the isolation of generations.
For just about every age range there is a group that they are isolated into.
Childrens groups.
Youth groups.
College groups.
Middle-aged singles.
Middle-aged men’s and women’s groups.
Seniors.
Etc.
Each of these groups have great aspects and traits. It’s good to be around peers your age. But that does not mean it’s an ideal expression for the church.
One of the primary ways that good character and life skills are formed is through the observation and experience of natural human interaction, particularly when we can witness both joyful interaction and healthy, respectful disagreement.
In these situations those of us who are younger actually experience character formation through those who are older and more mature. Of course this can go both ways but it’s less likely to turn negative when you have a wide mix of elders (older people) in the mix who are able to give voice.
You can argue about those who are older having more or less wisdom all day, but you won’t convince me that in general, there is not more wisdom in learning to navigate life, love well, and gently handle conflict from those who are older. This actually proves a more natural, and healthy context to the “requirements for eldership” as detailed in I Timothy 3.
But because we have a culture that isolates both generationally, and also isolates the flow of communication and teaching (referring to the ways “church” gatherings are oriented from a primary teacher or guide who controls where conversation goes), we have virtually eliminated this lifestyle-learning rhythm that actually helps to mature more people faster than even the best teacher.
How God wired the brain for transformation
If you’re familiar with brain science, this experiential, relationally learning is the most powerful form of effecting behavioral change, and it is the only way of reforming one’s personal sense of identity (see The Other Half of Church by Jim Wilder & Michael Hendricks).
Who you believe you are doesn’t come from learning (left side of the brain), it comes from relational attachment (right side of the brain).
Because the Western church has become a teaching-oriented structure, the deep-down identity roots the early church knew has been entirely lost. That doesn’t keep us from teaching the dog out of “identity” and “how to be a better person” but it does keep us from the most effective ways of actually seeing life patterns change in these desired ways.
One of the best chances we have at optimizing the spiritual-and-emotional-maturing process as disciples of Jesus is to form cross-generational communities where entirely open discussion and dialogue is embraced, not limited or controlled.
In Ephesians 4 Paul presents the “equipping gifts”—a passage that is consistently misunderstood and even abused, most often because the preceding verse to the listing of gifts remains absent from the context: a little line that says all were given gifts. And If all were given gifts for equipping, then the equipping context is necessarily different than the model we have today.
Professional ministers in professional positions do not possess a different set of equipping gifts than the rest of the family of God. Understanding this does not reduce or limit the potential; in fact, it does the opposite, opening up and multiplying the potential to a degree the current model couldn’t dream of.
How communities transform
Experientially, I have received more equipping and personal maturing through an environment where we believe the deep valuing of each person is what enables us to be equipped where we are lacking. It is my love and my value for those in our home church that helps me to listen and consider what they say, recognizing that the body genuinely does function better as peers (brothers-and-sisters) rather than equippers and those-who-need-equipping.
This re-oriented context (that doesn’t look like Jesus as the head, the Equippers as the second head, and then everyone else as the body) opens me up to be equipped even by those who are younger than me and do not know as much as I know.
A younger person who demonstrates relational love or honor in a way that I am weak or have been wounded in, points me to the ways of Jesus where I needed to be pointed.
This gets hard for some people to really get. And the main reason is that all of this language already exists. “Learning from those around us”, “living as peers”, “all being members of one body”, “honoring others…” it’s all there, even backed by endless sermons from endless preachers.
What doesn’t exist is simple: actually embracing community and “church” in this way. That’s what is not just a little bit rare, it’s mostly unheard of.
But having experienced this in increasing measures, there is nothing I would want more. Living in a cross-dimensional community bound by relational attachment and not doctrinal agreement has further moved me to the belief that we were always intended to function as a spiritual family, and that honor for elders is not just for their sake, it is profoundly for our sake as well.
It is what empowers both better character and true spiritual maturing.
There was a time I was asked to be an elder in a traditional church by good-hearted leaders. But if asked today, I would without hesitation turn it down. I do not carry what the true elders (by age and influence) in my community carry; there is a deep capacity for loving and caring for a larger community among them. They possess the gentleness, wisdom, character and lack of ego needed to lead through selfless humility that filled the early church elderships.
We know this from the surrounding writings of the early church but also from what we discover in Acts: elders were chosen by the people for their character within community. And they were not chosen by other leaders; affirmed and blessed by other leaders, yes, but not chosen.
At the time of writing this I am 42, and while I have been told my whole life that I possess great wisdom and humility (true or not), it does not touch those of the generation before me. I still have a lot of maturing to do. I still need to learn how to love in more meaningful ways.
I am exceedingly happy to simply be a part of the family. I love being surrounded by so many generations in a single room when we’re together. I love learning from all of them and seeing God in each, from the youngest to the oldest.
I love that no matter who is speaking, everyone is listening and considering what’s being shared. It may possess almost no wisdom or be rich with wisdom, but because the oldest here demonstrate a deep for value every person, the rest of us have learned to as well. It’s not always about what’s being said; it’s about valuing and affirming the person speaking.
This is the beauty of cross-generational community. It ends up being more like a family.
The Response is an encouragement to do something with your discomfort. Respond to your own frustration and curiosity. Ask hard questions, try something new.
There are still fields where the sun shines.